Information
BabyLossandHealing.com is not managed by a medical professional. All the information on this site has been researched for accuracy. BabyLossandHealing.com does not intend to override or replace the advice given to you by a medical professional or health care provider. If you have questions or concerns regarding your health you are urged to consult with a medical professional or health care provider.
Types of Loss
MISCARRIAGE - Baby and placenta develop to a certain degree but fetal demise occurs.
Early (up to 12 weeks)
Late (13-20 weeks)
Missed Miscarriage (aka Missed Abortion) - This is when the baby dies, but the body has not miscarried yet.
Partial Miscarriage - The mother has passed some of the "products of conception" but something remains in the uterus. It is important after fetal demise that all of the contents of the uterus are removed to avoid infection.
ECTOPIC PREGNANCY- A fertilized egg implants outside the uterus, usually in the fallopian tube. An ectopic pregnancy can also occur in the cervix, ovaries or abdomen. An ectopic pregnancy puts a mother at great risk of internal bleeding, and is one of the main causes of infertility.
MOLAR PREGNANCY - The embryo and placenta do not develop but tissue does. The cells that would have developed into the placenta become many fluid filled cysts.
Molar pregnancy can become cancerous, although it is rare. So, hCG levels should be monitored closely to be sure they drop to zero after the loss.
PARTIAL MOLAR PREGNANCY - An abnormal fetus and cysts develop.
STILLBIRTH (20+ weeks) - Baby dies after 20 weeks but prior to full term.
SIDS - Sudden Infant Death Syndrome or Infant Death - Baby dies after birth.
INFANT DEATH~SIDS
SIDS, Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, is one of the most common causes of infant death. While there is really no known cause, there are some speculations as to what may cause this in some infants. According to some studies done, there is evidence that SIDS babies are born with brain abnormalities that make them vulnerable to sudden death during infancy. There have been studies of SIDS victims that show they have abnormalities in the arcuate nucleus, a portion of the brain that is involved in control of breathing and waking during sleep. Babies born with defects in other portions of the brain or body may also be more prone to a sudden death. These abnormalities may stem from prenatal exposure to a toxic substance, or lack of a vital compound in the prenatal environment, such as sufficient oxygen. While parents often feel horribly responsible after SIDS, sometimes there is nothing that could have been done to prevent it.
Things you can do to aid in the fight against SIDS:
Place your child on his or her back to sleep.
Never use soft bedding like comforters or pillows in your child's bed.
Use a firm mattress.
Make sure all stuffed toys are out of the bed when baby is sleeping.
Soft or pillow like bumpers should be avoided.
Sucking on a pacifier at naptime and bedtime may reduce the risk of SIDS.
Dress your baby lightly for sleeping. If you bundle them up too much they can get overheated.
Avoid second hand smoke.
If your baby sleeps in a crib keep your baby close. Put the crib or bassinet in your room.
If you choose to have a family bed (aka co-sleeping) please refer to these sites for additional safety tips:
Dr. Jay Gordon
Dr. Sears
The following is a list of factors that put a baby at higher risk of SIDS:
Premature
Pregnancy complications such as placental abruption and placenta previa double the risk for SIDS. These placental problems may affect the baby's nervous system and cause the increased risk.
Being a multiple
Illness - studies have shown that a percentage of babies that have died from SIDS were sick with colds in the days prior to passing away.
Breathing problems (Apnea)
Maternal smoking or drug use during pregnancy
Previous sibling lost because of SIDS
Research has shown that African-American and Native-American babies are more at risk than Caucasian babies.
Some other facts about SIDS:
SIDS occurs mostly between two and six months of age. After babies are six months old the odds decrease significantly, and after their first birthday there is almost no risk.
Genetics play a large role. SIDS is more common in boys than in girls.
Most of the affected infants have damaged or immature brainstems.
SIDS is more common in babies who sleep in warm environments.
Putting children to sleep on their backs lowers the risk of SIDS three times.
Breastfeeding may also reduce the risk of SIDS.
SIDS deaths are more common during winter months.
Group B Streptococcus
This infection can be transmitted to the baby during birth, and can cause meningitis, pneumonia and shock, which could in turn lead to death. Treatment and prevention is available to women, however there is a fair amount of controversy as to whether all women need to be screened for Group B Strep. If a woman is screened and tests positive for Group B Strep in the later weeks of pregnancy most care givers will give antibiotics to the mother during labor to prevent the infection from reaching the baby.
Natural Miscarriage
A natural miscarriage is when a woman passes all the "products of conception" without intervention of medicine or surgical procedures. This is also called spontaneous abortion in medical terms. This process can take much longer, ranging from days to even weeks. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to be in contact with your health care professional. Trust your instinct, and if something doesn't "seem" right call immediately. Infection is a concern when going through a miscarriage, and it is important to stay on top of the situation.
What you can expect once the miscarriage begins:
~You are going to bleed. A LOT. Soaking more than one pad per hour warrants a call to the doctor.
~You may have some menstrual type cramping or even more intense cramping. Many women, including myself, describe their cramps similar to those during transition in labor. Any pain that is severe warrants a call to your doctor.
~You may bleed off and on for several days.
~Keep in mind not to use tampons during this time.
~Do not engage in sexual intercourse until doctor approval. This helps prevent any infection that can be spread via bacteria.
~No douching!
CALL DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY IF YOU EXPERIENCE THE FOLLOWING:
~High Fever (over 100.4�F)
~Severe bleeding (having to change a pad more than once per hour)
~Discharge from your vagina that is foul smelling.
Surgery (D&C - D&E)
In some cases a surgery called D&C or D&E is performed to remove the "products of conception". (By the way, I hate that term but it's what is used to describe ALL the contents in the uterus, not just the baby.) The D stands for dilation, or enlarging. The C stands for curettage, or scraping. This surgery involves expanding or enlarging the entrance of a woman's uterus so that an instrument can scrape away the lining of the uterus and remove the "products of conception" (ugh). This IS a surgical procedure. It IS invasive. It CAN effect your future fertility.
A D&E is a similar procedure. The E stands for evacuation, and rather than scraping the uterus a special vacuum is used. This procedure is usually used after 12 weeks gestation.
Recovering physically from these procedures, in my opinion, is less challenging than recovering mentally from the loss of your baby. However, here is a look at what you can expect and what to be aware of following surgery:
~You will probably go home the same day after your surgery, depending on your hospital, your vital signs and your doctor's okay.
~You may have some menstrual type cramping
~You may bleed off and on for several days.
~Keep in mind not to use tampons during this time.
~Do not engage in sexual intercourse until doctor approval. This helps prevent any infection that can be spread via bacteria.
~No douching! Yes, you may feel icky and gross, but it won't be like this forever.
CALL DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY IF YOU EXPERIENCE THE FOLLOWING AFTER SURGERY:
~High Fever (over 100.4�F)
~Severe bleeding (having to change a pad more than once per hour)
~Discharge from your vagina that is foul smelling.
Ectopic Pregnancy
Another avenue that desperately needs research on my part! I highly recommend visiting EctopicPregnancy.com for detailed research specifically regarding ectopic pregnancy.
Stillbirth
To be completely honest, I have an extremely emotionally hard time researching stillbirth. I've found numerous sites that discuss stillbirth in detail, and I've listed some below and on my links page.
International Stillbirth Alliance
Univ. of Virginia ~ Information on Stillbirth
When Your Baby is Stillborn
When to call your midwife/doctor
If you have bleeding with cramps located in the center of your lower abdomen
Severe pain for more than a day even if you have no bleeding
If you are bleeding as heavy as a period
Go to the emergency room immediately if you soak a lot of pads in an hour or if you have pain that is unbearable, or if you pass blood clots or grayish material.
In an ectopic pregnancy a symptom can be shoulder pain. This is caused by blood collecting from the fallopian tube rupturing.
In a molar pregnancy brown spotting is a common symptom.
Bleeding can be a very common occurance in early pregnancy, and many women that have bleeding early on go on to birth healthy babies.
How family and friends can help
Every person is different in their reaction to a loss, their way of coping with grief and their personality. However, there are things that friends and family can do to help.
Listen. ~ When a grieving parent opens up to talk about what happened please listen to them. It's not easy for some people to talk about their loss, and they may not need you to say anything at all. But if you can open your ears and just let them get it out, it can do wonders for their progress in dealing with their loss.
Ask if they need anything or offer your help. ~ Even if they say no, this is a kind way of letting them know you care about them.
Do not tell them what they should or should not be feeling. ~ Again, every person grieves differently. Although you may not have had a special bond with the baby (especially in the case of miscarriage and/or stillbirth) they probably did, and they will need to grieve their loss their way in their time.
Let them cry. ~ I hear so often people say, "Oh, don't cry..." I understand that it can be uncomfortable when someone is crying, but crying is such a healthy way of releasing stress and processing feelings.
Don't say, "It was meant to be," "It was for the best," or "You can always try again." ~ Of all the women I have run across, these are the phrases no one wants to hear. Even if it was impossible for their baby to survive, that doesn't change the love, hope and dreams they had for their child. Rather I suggest a simple, "I'm so sorry for your loss."
Keep in mind that even if the parents who have lost a baby do get pregnant again it does not mean they have stopped loving and/or grieving their baby that is gone.
What Is Support?
Support is unconditional.
It is listening...
not judging, not telling your own story.
Support is not offering advice...
it is offering a handkerchief, a touch, a hug...caring.
We are here to help women discover what they are feeling...
not to make the feelings go away.
We are here to help a woman identify her options...
not tell her which options to choose.
We are here to discuss steps with a woman...
not to take the steps for her.
We are here to help a woman discover her own strength...
not to rescue her and leave her still vulnerable.
We are here to help a woman discover she can help herself...
not to take that responsibility for her.
We are here to help a woman learn to choose...
not to make it unnecessary for her to make difficult choices.
Author Unknown
COPING WITH GRIEF
Everyone grieves differently. Allow yourself to grieve. It could take weeks or months, even years. Also be aware that the mother's body will also go through major hormonal changes. Mom's, I cannot emphasize enough how imperative it is to seek help if you feel like harming yourself or anyone else. Hormones create such a powerful chemical reaction in your body and mind, and post partum anxiety and/or depression should NOT be ignored.
Some foods that can help your brain feel good include nuts (especially almonds and walnuts), bananas, turkey, eggs and milk. These all aid the brain in making seratonin, which in turn helps your brain feel "normal".
Many books and web sites explain a process that one goes through when grieving. Here is a look at what you can expect when grieving. I personally hit on every one of these (some more than once) in my journey so far. You may experience any or all of these in your journey.
Shock, denial
Anger
Isolation, depression
Numbness
Physical Symptoms
Awareness of Reality
Guilt
Sadness
Disorganization of Life
Preoccupation with Grief
Dreams of Situation
Ability to Talk of Loss with Acceptance
The Statistics
I'm choosing not to list statistics on this site for a couple reasons. First, I think when looking at statistics it just stabs a knife in your heart. Because you have lost your child, and you are the statistic. I see no need to torture anyone. Also, statistics change, and there are so many variants to baby loss.
Pregnancy After Loss
For me my pregnancy with Anna, our daughter born after the loss of Max, was a roller coaster of emotions. I was worried the entire pregnancy, but managed to find a calm within the storm. I'll be working on updating this section soon!
Please check the Links page for some fantastic links to sites regarding pregnancy, breastfeeding and parenting.